Not all divorces have to play out like a “War of the Roses” remake. If you and your spouse have young children together, plan on decades, if not a lifetime, of interaction with your ex-spouse. How does communication with your ex remain civil, and maybe even polite? It takes work from both sides. Let’s look at where to start.

The collaborative divorce process is a great way to create a new dynamic between you and your ex. It is a process where you and your spouse retain collaboratively trained divorce attorneys to work with you. You may also retain experts to help settle your cases, such as a divorce coach, a child custody expert, or an accountant. In regular meetings, similar to mediation sessions, the parties can openly discuss their concerns and settlement options.

What’s a divorce coach? It is a licensed therapist who assists the divorcing couple with communication and co-parenting throughout the collaborative process. This professional helps reduce conflicts, thus allowing parents to focus on their children during this significant life transition. If your child can anticipate mom and dad being cordial to one another at a sporting or life event, your child will show less anxiety and stress.

Throughout the collaborative process, neither party can file a complaint about divorce until a settlement is reached. Then the complaint serves only to open a case to submit and enforce the agreement. The parties agree to negotiate in good faith, understanding that compromises will be made, and openly share information.

The collaborative process might not be a good fit due to domestic abuse, power struggles, and a resounding lack of trust between the spouses.

But it might be a good fit for you. And it comes with many benefits.

You can potentially save tens of thousands of dollars that you would have spent on litigation. You can feel content knowing that you negotiated an agreement that complements the future you mapped out for yourself, instead of leaving the decisions up to a judge. And lastly, although it likely will not come easy, you can walk away from the process with a better communication method with your ex-spouse as it relates to your children.